Amanda told me this

 

The first time I bound my breasts I was saved -- that simple act pulled me out of a deep depression, and away from self-injury. A very close friend had been savagely beaten returning home from a gay dance on Prince Edward Island. The images of her battered and bruised face posted to the internet were heart-wrenching. Not only did they show what had happened to her, but they were also a stark reminder of the hateful experiences many of us face in the Queer community. I found myself tormented by memories of the constant physical and emotional abuse I suffered as an adolescent at the hands of my 'peers'.

I was in New Brunswick at the time, and confided in a wise and caring friend. Before the beating, we had been having lively discussions about life and gender, about happiness and identity, and about the idea of androgyny. After the beating, she saw me falling into anger and silence, a darker side of myself that I hesitated to share with others.

Not one to sit back and let the wrong thing happen, she offered me a remedy in the shape of panty hose. I joined her in ransacking the local Salvation Army for 'little boy clothes', and then we hacked off most of my hair while listening to Regina Spektor. With some arts and crafts instructions from the internet, we cut the legs off the panty hose for my arms and a hole in the crotch for my head. Pull that down tight, and there go the breasts. Put on a comfortable shirt, a little mousse in the hair for some punk, and there goes Amanda and here comes Lou.

As time has gone on, I've become aware that binding has strengthened my ability to admire myself as an individual. It is empowering in that it allows me the freedom to feel genderless. The idea that someone watching me walk down the street can't know if I am a boy or a girl thrills me because I know I'm the one with the answer. Make no mistake, though -- I do deeply love my female body, and often my clothes or my composure reflect that. But I don't let it define me. When I do bind or dress like a boy it is simply another conversation between my spirit and the physical world. Long flowing skirts and button up plaid are both expressions of who I am.

 

Comments

[Andrea]

This is awesome. I want to post this everywhere!!

[Boyd Waters]

The world is changing. We need strong people like Amanda/Lou.